[Iss. 6] ||Kappa Lambda Iota Presents Fun Obituaries from their Fundraiser


PROVIDED BY KAPPA LAMBDA IOTA

 These obituaries are from a fundraiser presented by Kappa Lambda Iota. Students, faculty and staff were invited to donate one dollar and fill out a MadLibs obituary form. The form presented options for cause of death as well as property they left behind. The purpose of this fundraiser was to get people more into the Halloween spirit as well as encourage them to read the McKendree Review. We thank everyone (those who participated and those who donated) for their support for this fundraiser and Kappa Lambda Iota.


1Andrew Tolbert, a freshman at McKendree University, suffocated under a pile of homework on Oct.Oct. 31, 2014. Andrew was from Chicago, Ill. and is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and his 48 other cats.


 BogeyAJ, a freshman at McKendree University, suffocated under a pile of homework on Oct. 31, 2014. AJ was from Arlington Heights, Ill. and is survived by the cat that he feeds outside of the New Halls.

John Watters, a faculty member at McKendree University, was eaten by a goldfish on Oct. 31, 2014. John was from Marshfield, Missouri and is survived by his iPhone 6.


4Brittany Copple, a junior at McKendree University, suffered a heart attack on the way to third floor Carnegie on Oct. 31, 2014. Brittany was from Waltonville, IL. She is survived by the cat that she feeds outside of the New Halls.


5

Josh Fleming, a senior at McKendree University from Cave-In-Rock, Ill., died in this year’s Hunger Games. Josh is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy, his 48 other cats and his complete set of How I Met Your Mother DVDs.


6Joe Vandeventer, a sophomore at McKendree University from Lafayete, Indiana, succumbed to an awful bout of food poisoning after eating at Ames on Halloween. Joe is survived by his significant other, his debt and his Yakarma.


BogeyDutch Nave, a sophomore at McKendree University, died in the fiery pits of Mordor because some stupid hobbitses stole his ring. Dutch perished on Oct.Oct. 31, 2014. He was from Minooka, Ill. and is survived by his remaining Flex Dollars.

Tiffany Somerville, a senior at McKendree University from Salem, Ill., died of old age waiting for the Bogey Bus on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her complete set of How I Met Your Mother DVDs and her remaining Flex Dollars.


9Taylor Rossi, a sophomore at McKendree University was beheaded on Halloween 2014 for exposing the incestuous Lannisters. Taylor was raised in Petersburg, Ill. and is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and her other 48 cats as well as her iPhone 6.


10

Jodi Gawlik, a senior at McKendree University, suffocated under a pile of homework on Halloween Day 2014. Jodi was from Schaumberg, Ill. and is survived by her iPhone 6.


11Rebecca Blake, a senior at McKendree University from Branson, Missouri, suffocated under a pile of homework on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her sorority sisters.


12Nathan Hunt, a senior at McKendree University, died after suffering from food poisoning at Ames Dining Hall on Oct. 31, 2014. Nathan was from Harrisburg, Ill. and is survived by his APO fraternity brothers.


Bogey

Ryan Herring, a senior at McKendree University, died of old age waiting for the Bogey Bus. He is survived by his remaining Flex Dollars.


 BogeyNatalie Britton, a freshman at McKendree University, was smashed by a spaceship and died on Oct. 31, 2014. She is from Newton and is survived by her complete set of How I Met Your Mother DVDs.


BogeyBradan Armes of Troy, Ill., died in the fiery pits of Mordor on Oct. 31, 2014 because some stupid hobbitses stole his ring. Bradan is survived by his extensive collection of empty Ski bottles and his rabid man-eating carrot.


16Lauren Craft, a junior at McKendree University, died in the fiery pits of Mordor on Halloween Day of 2014 because some stupid hobbitses stole her ring. Lauren is from Alhambra, Ill. and is survived by Bogey and her sorority sisters.


BogeyTia Thomas, a student at McKendree University, died in the Hunger Games on Oct. 31, 2014. Tia was from Mascoutah, Ill.Ill. and is survived by her iPhone 6.


BogeyDarren Cross of Lebanon, Ill. was smashed by a spaceship on Halloween 2014. He is survived by his significant other.


BogeyDominick Pickens, a sophomore at McKendree University, suffocated under a pile of homework on Oct. 31, 2014. Dominick is from Springfield, Ill. and is survived by his remaining Flex Dollars.


20Stephen McIntosh, a junior at McKendree University, died in the fiery pits of Mordor on Oct. 31, 2014 because some stupid hobbitses stole his ring. Stephen is from University City and is survived by Bogey.


BogeyMark Peters, a faculty member at McKendree University, died in the Hunger Games on Oct. 31, 2014. He is survived by his complete set of How I Met Your Mother DVDs and his seven chinchillas.


22Constance Scott of Cedar Hill, Missouri, died after contracting food poisoning from Ames Dining Hall on Oct. 31, 2014. Constance was a freshman at McKendree University and is survived by her Yik Yak score.


23Holly Petrie, a junior at McKendree University and a resident of Staunton, Ill., was killed by Lord Voldemort on Halloween Day of 2014. She is survived by her APO fraternity brothers and the cat that she feeds outside of the New Halls.


 24Alan Alewine, McKendree class of 20∞ and a resident of Fabulous-ville, suffered a heart attack on the way to his office on third floor Carnegie on Oct. 31, 2014. He is survived by his rabid man-eating carrot.


BogeyAllison Hoshide, a student at McKendree University, was eaten by a goldfish on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her rabid man-eating carrot and her overdue library books.


BogeyChristin Austin, a student at McKendree University, froze to death in PAC on Halloween Day of 2014. She is survived by her Tri Sigma sorority sisters.


27Kaitlin Pennington, a sophomore at McKendree University and resident of Marion, Ill., died in the Hunger Games on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her complete set of How I Met Your Mother DVDs.


28Stephen Hagan, sociology professor at McKendree University, suffered a heart attack on the way to third floor Carnegie and died on Halloween 2014. He is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and his other 48 cats.


BogeyJulia Hagan, faculty member at McKendree University, was eaten by the Professigator on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her debt.


30Jordan Archibald, a freshman at McKendree University, died of humiliation after failing to wear pink on Wednesday. Jordan was a resident of Quincy, Ill. and is survived by the McKendree Show Choir.


 31Zach Frank, a 6th year student at McKendree University, died in the fiery pits of Mordor on Halloween 2014 because some stupid hobbitses stole his ring. Zach was from Collinsville, Ill.. He is survived by his rabid man-eating carrot.


 32Mariah Logan, a junior at McKendree University and St. Louis resident, was eaten by the Professigator on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her remaining Flex Dollars.


33Nancy Lilley, a junior at McKendree University, suffered a heart attack on third floor Carnegie and died on Oct. 31, 2014. Nancy was a resident of New Baden, Ill.. She is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and her other 48 cats and her Kappa Lambda Iota sisters.


34Magoline Middleton, a senior at McKendree University, was killed by Lord Voldemort on Halloween 2014. She was from Centralia, Ill. and is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and her other 48 cats.


35Kaylee Englund, resident of Mattoon, Ill. and junior at McKendree University, froze to death in PAC on Oct. 31, 2014. She is survived by her sorority sisters.


36Kaitlin Cartwright, McKendree University senior, died of humiliation on Oct. 29, 2014 after failing to wear pink on Wednesday. She is survived by her significant other.


BogeyDr. Nancy Ypma, professor at McKendree University, died of exhaustion on Halloween Day of 2014. She is survived by Wolfie and a huge family.


BogeyBrenda Doll of O’Fallon, Ill., froze to death in PAC on Oct. 31, 2014. Brenda was a professor of education at McKendree University and is survived by her overdue library books.


39Kathryn Herath of East Peoria suffocated under a pile of homework on Halloween Day of 2014. Kathryn was a senior at McKendree University. She is survived by Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and her other 48 cats.


BogeyDr. Jennifer Hope, a faculty member at McKendree University, was eaten by the Professigator on Halloween Day of 2014.Dr. Hope was a resident of St. Louis, Missouri. She is survived by her 7 chinchillas in addition to Mr. Cuddles, Mrs. Fluffy and her other 48 cats.