Dear Bogey,
I have been working at Walmart for the past three years. I have done anything and everything the boss has asked of me. My co-worker Brian has become my best friend here; we enjoy every moment together. This past month, the boss announced that there would be a management position opening up and that we could all interview for the position. Unfortunately, Brian did not make it past the first round. While I am sad for him, I am very happy that I made it. After a week of waiting for updates, my boss told me I got the job! When I told Brian, he just stood there and gave me a little smirk and said “Yay.” We haven’t talked much since then. Do you have any advice on how I should approach the situation?
Sincerely,
Smirky Jerky
Dear Smirky Jerky,
Congratulations on your promotion! Your hard work, commitment, and proficiency have earned you an advancement within your place of employment. While you have cause for celebration, not everyone around you will join in. That’s the “nature of the beast” if you will. Unfortunately, your BFCW (best friend co-worker) has succumbed to envy, a common tendency of mankind, and he is displaying such ungracious behavior toward you.
It is a natural inclination to be disappointed upon learning, after having high expectations, that you were not the “chosen one.” Your success is vivid to your BFCW and, it would seem, he is concerned with your newly acquired status. It seems that he has cognitively developed a negative association between the promotion, himself, and you. Social cognition theory suggests that affective reactions to environmental events can influence several cognitions and behaviors in addition to moral disconnect. (Theil et al., 2021). To help reevaluate the situation and form a positive perspective, he will need to modify his negative thought patterns.
I would advise you to offer a confirming message. Listen actively as you acknowledge your BFCW’s feelings and thoughts (Floyd, 2021). You have an opportunity to be considerate and gracious during this time of transition into your new workplace role.
It can be unsettling when life’s events do not go as anticipated. There are instances when it becomes very difficult to remain amicable with someone whom we consider a friend. While relationships with co-workers have the potential to be practically beneficial, on occasion they will challenge our understanding and patience. It may be that your relationship has begun a transformation, and to what end, you may be unsure. One alternative would be to end this relationship in the form it has been. Conceivably, with the promotion you received, there is now a new dynamic that must be taken into consideration.
According to the social exchange theory, you have options. Maybe it is time to find a replacement friend (Floyd, 2021). Generally speaking, nothing stays the same, and friendships are also subject to change. This situation you are in has many future possibilities. There is always something to learn during a period of discomfort and challenge.
Going forward you may purposefully set the tone for the future as you acquire and hone leadership skills. There is an opportunity to build and fortify an atmosphere that is productive and generous to an entire team. Hopefully, you will be able to promote a culture of support, collaboration, and inclusivity. It is prudent to praise individual effort while also emphasizing teamwork. Awareness that situations like your own will surface in the future may help facilitate a proactive strategy. “The process of social comparison among peers drives a continuous self-evaluation that can arouse negative emotions in response to the perceived success of others” (Dogan & Vecchio, 2001). Be an ally who is always ready to help others develop and succeed. Best wishes for your new work opportunity and all your current friendships along with those to come.
Sincerely,
Bogey
References
Dogan, K., & Vecchio, R. P. (2001). Managing envy and jealousy in the workplace. Compensation & Benefits Review, 33(2), 57–64. https://doi.org/10.1177/08863680122098298
Floyd, K (2021). Interpersonal Communication (4th ed.). McGraw Hill Education
Theil, C. E., Bonner, J., Bush, J. T., Welsh, D. T., & Pati, R. (n.d.). Rationalize or reappraise? How envy and cognitive reappraisal shape unethical contagion. Personnel Psychology. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/peps.12387
