Dear Bogey,
I have a friend who gets mad over the littlest things. This person is always moody, and it is getting to the point where I can’t stand to be around him. When he’s in a good mood, he’s the funniest person I know, but when he’s mad, it is the complete opposite. I understand he is my friend and it should be easy to talk with him about this, but I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t want to lose him as a friend if I confront him, so I am really torn on what to do. What should I do about my friend, and how should I confront him on his mood swings?
Sincerely,
The Angry Elf
Dear The Angry Elf,
When dealing with a friend who has frequent mood swings, it can be difficult to deal with, like you said. But it’s always important to address the issue if it’s affecting your friendship because friendships are important. Here are some steps and tips you can consider taking to improve your friendship.
Choose the right time and place to discuss the issue. For example, find a calm and private setting to talk to your friend. Make sure you both have time to discuss the issue without distractions. Express your concern to your friend, such as by approaching the conversation from a place of care and concern rather than criticism. Start by telling your friend how much you value your friendship and that you’ve noticed his mood swings are impacting your relationship.
Use small actions. In an article from The New York Times, Catherine Pearson says that small actions, like texting a friend, matter. Research says that small moment connections are bigger than you think, causing better emotions for the person you choose to text (Pearson, 2023).
Use “I” statements when discussing his behavior. When using “I” statements, you avoid making it seem like you’re blaming or accusing him. For example, say, “I feel uncomfortable when you get angry over small things, and it’s affecting our friendship.” Using “I” statements helps develop positive communication climates (Floyd, 2021).
Be a good listener. For example, let your friend express his side of things. He may not even be fully aware of how his mood swings affect others. Just listen to what he has to say. Try becoming a better empathic listener by listening nonjudgmentally, not interrupting, and trying to relate to those feelings. Communicate support nonverbally with eye contact (Floyd, 2021). Offer support by letting your friend know that you want to help his mood swings. Give him tips by advising him to seek professional help if his mood swings are extreme and impacting his life significantly. Suggest coping strategies by encouraging your friend to explore healthy ways to manage his emotions and mood swings, like stress-reduction techniques, therapy, or other self-help strategies.
It will take time for things to change, so be patient with your friend as he works on managing his mood swings. Remember that you can’t control his emotions, but you can control your response to him. Reevaluate the friendship if your friend is unwilling to address his mood swings or if he continues to impact your life negatively. You may need to consider whether this friendship is worth maintaining. Remember, it’s important to communicate your feelings honestly. Also, be empathetic and supportive. Your friend may not even be aware of the impact his mood swings have on those around him. Just think, your conversation may be the first step towards positive change.
Your friend,
Bogey
